And still I am haunted...

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God.

- Matthew 5:9

I once threw the keys into the neighbour's yard.

In my defence, I was a child. Not that that absolves me. I've made a scene on more than one occasion. I'm usually the first to scream. But if I didn't scream, someone else would have.

It's easy to seem like the better person if you avoid confrontation. It's kind of like a game of emotional chicken. If you both stay quiet too long, the problem will consume both of you and destroy the relationship you had. And the person who opens their mouth first will get the blame for screaming.

It's really dependent on who will lay aside their pride, and fight for the relationship (be it a friendship, a family relationship, or a sexual one). I have always been quick to scream. Not because I have any real moral virtue, but because I cannot stay silent. I am terrible at the game, I was simply born wholly passionate and impulsive.

And so, I'll never be a child of God. I am destined only to scream others into heaven.

So yeah anyway, insomnia strikes again.

Tashblogs and Appearances

First off, this is very much inspired by the lovely tashblog.
Credit where credit is due.

I know that I put guards up around virtually everyone. I aim to be kooky, full of smiles, and just a little bit outrageous.

I guess it's easier, because I call on genuine facets of my personality to hide others. And I see everyone do this. A person can seem to be one person with their friends, and another with their family; but neither is necessarily dishonest.

This is a skill I call on in my fiction writing, taking some characteristics, amplifying them, and hiding others. And there you have a character.

"Is the story... real?"

It is, and it isn't. Sometimes I take things somewhere else, sometimes I mesh things together that were previously separate, sometimes I introduce something entirely foreign. It's a mix between my real world experiences, and the crazed imaginings that I weave in.

I remember, in writing my novella last semester, adding in jealousy where I felt none. I also had elements of supernatural horror. I made caricatures of my worst attributes, extending them until the characters ultimately regressed due to the bonds of their own shortcomings. I know, it wasn't the most uplifting novella.

Wait, where was I?

Oh right, I was talking about how we portray ourselves. I think it would be boring just to be the one person all the time. I play with it a little. Sometimes I put on my creepy Tim Minchin shirt, and a pair of black skinny jeans - with copious eyeliner to boot - and go all moody on the train, listening to my iPod. I like creating a persona for my trips on public transport, which drops the instant I see someone I actually know.

I don't think this is lying, or dishonest. It's just a way to lose yourself for a moment, and concern yourself with someone else's problems. A breather, if you will.

I think I've contradicted myself a few times. Deal with it. I am.

blah blah blah love blah

I get the feeling that people in not-so-good relationships look at good ones, and imagine it's unattainable.

"Oh, they're just perfect together."

Well, that's not quite how it works.

"Bottom line: it's couples who are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else, but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time. If it's right, and they're real lucky, one of them will say something."
- Dr. Cox, Scrubs

Yes, I'm using popular culture for a citation, but that's just because I'm cool. The point is that in good relationships there are misunderstandings, there are differences of opinion, and there are fights.
The difference is that everything gets worked through. The two people talk about it with respect and honesty, and work out a solution. Sometimes it's hard to broach the subject, but it gets done anyway.

Sure, maybe I'm presumptuous to say I'm in a "good relationship", but it is coming up to the three year mark. And when we started, the average relationship length was about three weeks. Sixteen-year-olds are a fickle breed.

I don't know. Sometimes it wont work out, regardless.

Edible Rainbows!

I'm trying this thing... where I eat healthier.

I mean, it's not like my waistline is ballooning or anything. I just want to see colours in my food. For the record, I'm one of those girls that doesn't seem to gain weight.

So, after I write this blog, I will trot into the kitchen and create a salad (for uni tomorrow) from the contents of my fridge: ham, philadelphia cheese, iceberg lettuce, carrot and strawberries. Now you can create edible rainbows too!

I think I'll make up some iced tea, also. Rooibos tea with honey is very, very good iced.

This endeavour is also riding on the guilt trip my dear boyfriend has laid upon me, since he found out I had a ritual of buying 3 chupa chups, 2 chocolate bars and a 600mL coke every time I go to university. His concerns were monetary, though.

So anyway, going for colours in my food. Because colours are pretty. =)

Election commentary

I've been listening to the radio, and reading comments on forums and news websites. I can't be sure that Labor supporters wouldn't be just as retarded in the same position, but it doesn't really matter anyway. I'm pretty openly supportive of the Greens.

On the radio, Coalition-lamenters were crying "communist" (especially in relation to the Greens, but a few times it was directed towards Labor) and a few mentioned the "death of democracy". Oddly enough, this is true democracy. Sure, it looks like a few have the power to be 'kingmakers', but each of the independents have no more real power than a Coalition MP. Or a Labor MP for that matter.

They're the "swinging voters" of the House of Representatives.

The Coalition is also crying that they won much more of the 'primary vote'. I've been hearing this since election night, and Sarah Hanson-Young's retort (to a Liberal Senator) was that if the system worked like that, the Greens should hold seventeen seats. It's not as if the Coalition won >50% of the primary vote anyway (ABC says they got 43.7%). Essentially, for me, that is a moot point.

And so, I will leave you with a quote from a lovely 4BCradio caller:
"I'm glad Julia got in, because she's the second born, so she's the better choice."

I'm just glad that I never have to listen to Oakeshott explain his decision about something ever again.

Splitting Headache

Something that's becoming increasingly frustrating is finding out that a console game has online co-op, and no local co-op. Basically, I can play through Dynasty Warriors: Strikeforce with someone on the other side of the world; but playing with the person sitting next to me is off-limits.

I choose to name Dynasty Warriors simply because the entire point of buying that game (and all preceding versions) was to play local co-op. The story is pretty crap, the graphics are pretty average; but it's fun beating up armies with my boyfriend. So it was much to my dismay that while the gameplay has improved significantly in Strikeforce, local co-op was left out. And there are other culprits, too.


So my question is: What is scaring developers about split-screen?

It's not that it isn't visually viable - I remember playing 4-way split-screen on a TV half the size of my current one. And it's an old CRT, so it's probably on the crappier side of things.

It just feels like if you want a real gaming console - I say "real" because the Wii is not really designed for the average gamer, and is in a different class (in my opinion) - you forfeit the chance to play anything co-op in person.

Yeah, yeah I know. Dead or Alive, Soul Calibur and Tekken (etc.) remain. They aren't actually co-op - you play against each other.